Ouch

I'm doing my first ever stand-up performance tomorrow.

Here's a list of things that could go wrong:

· I could say things and no one will laugh.

· In the gaping silence that follows my eager delivery, I could find myself staring into the face of the one true Death.

· I could say things, no one will laugh, and then I'll be obviously unsettled and start mispronouncing things.

· I could accidentally say something racist.

· I could walk out on to stage and go to adjust the mic stand, but somehow break it, causing the mic to drop to the floor and when I lean down to pick it up I stab my eye out on the mic stand and just start screaming and screaming and then the sound system gets that feedback sound and I try to crawl off stage but then my stand-up teacher Larry Horowitz wont let me leave, and he keeps insisting I have to work through it, so I do my two minutes bleeding and crying and it's horrible.

· I somehow pee my pants on stage.

· I get off, and the person after me says, "Man, Tina Fey has really let herself go. And also wasn't funny."

· I could trip on my way on to the stage, and then try to make fun of the fact that I just tripped, and accidentally say something racist.

· All the mean people from my high school could show up.

· All my friends could show up to 'support me' even though I pleaded with them not to.

· My nose could start bleeding in the middle of my time.

· I could get locked in the bathroom before show time and forever be remembered as the girl who was probably just pretending to be locked in the bathroom.

· It goes great and I really like it and end up doing it AGAIN.