This was literally accompanied with a 79 cent tip (on a credit card receipt) and a small pile of torn up coasters. Also, a series of failed Soul Saving napkins on which they had practised drawing that vagina flower.
They're not the first Christians to tell me God has placed a favour on me, and that I need to believe in him in order to achieve. Which is funny, because I'm pretty sure I'm a bad person and that no Deity approves of any of my actions ever. I'm tired of all this bribery, I want an HONEST creepy christian letter: "Yo, Waitress, you're really bitter and you didn't bring me my food fast enough. You're probably going to hell."
P.S. Oh no they DIDN'T just call me Katie.
P.P.S. They could have proven to me THERE AND THEN that I would succeed in my profession by tipping anywhere near 15 percent.
P.P.P.S. "Blessings" is wishing Gods love on someone, so "God loves you!!" is irrelevant. Especially when the line before that once AGAIN promises that I've already won over this Righteous Dude. WTFuck do people study when they study the bible?
I LOVE that they practiced drawing the flower first. It was either "come on guys, she won't take us seriously without a flower sketch--who can draw one? Jeremiah?" OR one of them had been compulsively drawing bad flowers all meal and begged to be allowed to add one to the card.
ReplyDeleteI think my favourite part of this is how general it is. It could apply to anyone.
ReplyDelete"Dear ________,
God loves you. He thinks you're good, and great. He thinks you're so beautiful/handsome (on the inside). He told me you would succeed in your future profession, whatever it is you choose to do. God loves you.
Blessings,
God loves YOU!!
P.S. - Did we mention that God loves you.
P.P.S. - Next time be a little more expedient refilling our iced teas."
ALSO, the do that thing that I hate, where they add two exclamation points, instead of one! Or three!!! Or simply going overkill crazytown!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jesus, that really bugs me.
I wonder how the decision to tip 79 cents was reached? You say this was on a credit card so they'd actually have to WRITE 79 cents.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I am again happy that Cassandra noticed the exclamation point thing which also infuriated me. And in the last instance of this, they underlined the last word when they could've at LEAST done that thing where they make two exclamation points a happy face. Arrrrrrrrrgh!
The !! thing INFURIATED me almost as much as the repetativeness. Jesus fucking Christ, Christians, I GET it. God FUCKING LOVES me.
ReplyDeletenot with that language, He doesn't.
ReplyDelete