Can You Even Handle This Blog?

1)Do you often take joy in other’s pain?

a) Never
b) Sometimes
c) Often
d) Always

2)Picture someone spilling coffee on themselves. Are you laughing?

a) No.
b) Not really.
c) Yes.
d) That’s fucking hilARious.

3)Okay, okay. What if it was a hipster?

a) No.
b) It’s a little funnier…
c) BAhaha.
d) Fucking. HilARiOUS.

4)That’s right. Picture his stupid ironic t-shirt being SOILED. His Ipod dangling manically from his oversized novelty headphones blasting some pretentious band he’s deemed ‘organic’ and ‘raw’. The bike chain he chose to wear as a belt for some reason becoming as sticking and unmanageable as his hair, and his beard—oh, dear reader his beard—has become a twisted mess of pubic-level-curly hair and regret.

a) I am now uncomfortable.
b) Yeah, this is getting weird.
c) Ha…ha…
d) Let’s make that HAPPEN to someone!

5)Have you ever found yourself thouroughly enjoying a particularily nasty exchange betweet a customer/client/guest/classmate/co-worker/family member/stranger and yourself because it was literally ‘the most hilarious thing ever’?


a) I don’t like mean people. But they don’t normally effect me.
b) Yeah, some people can be annoying.
c) I hate those jagoffs.
d) I created a blog to complain about those jagoffs.


6)Have you tried several times to delete that annoying jerk from highschool off your facebook page but failed because it’s just so much fun making fun of him?

a) That’s like exploitation or something.
b) No, I just delete them.
c) I delete them but then I stalk them occastionally—for the self esteem boost.
d) Who would delete Ryann Gunshotz Killademthugs? He’s a level four Mafia Wars vet!

7)Do you love/hate/love to hate drunk people?

a) I don’t drink. But I also don’t judge.
b) Only the loud ones.
c) Lock them up.
d) Shoot them. (but first take pictures)

8)I mean when you’re sober.

a) They can be bothersome.
b) Ugh. Yes.
c) Lock them up and shoot them.
d) Shoot them twice.

9)Do you have a word that means ‘fuck you’ only to yourself?

a) I don’t swear.
b) I’ve told someone to Eff Off.
c) I just say ‘fuck you’.
d) When I say, “Cheers” I always mean ‘fuck you’.

I think we all know which end of the spectrum belongs on this page. Please, feel free to spread the hate and leave a comment.

(This post is a little rushed, I just wanted to add something before going to work so a certain friend of mine would stop complaining about my empty blog. Friends are jerks.)